(6/7) Why Do I Feel Like an Impostor? You Feel Like an Outsider
According to Dr. Valerie Young’s book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, there are seven “good reasons” to feel like an impostor. I invite you to see how many of these resonate with you.
6) You are a Stranger in a Strange Land
There are 3 main factors that come into play with this “reason.”
Foreign country. If you grew up in a different country than the one you live in, you might see all the ways you don’t fit in and wonder if you belong. Language and cultural differences can enter the psyche, saying, “See? You actually don’t belong here, regardless of what other people say.”
Change in socioeconomic surroundings. If you grew up in a lower socioeconomic status and then changed into a more affluent environment in your schooling and/or employment, it may feel like you’re also in a foreign land. You may wonder if you got here because of luck, circumstance, or any other reason besides your qualifications.
The world wasn’t made with you in mind. The impostor phenomenon is activated when you are in a world that was made without you in mind. The working world was predominantly made by and for white cishet men. If you are a woman, a person of color, or you have any marginalized identities, you likely are receiving overt and covert messages saying you don’t belong or won’t be taken seriously.
Examples of overt messaging can include things like:
The only woman in the room being asked to get coffee for everyone
Women being called “honey” or “darling”
BIPOC folks being asked to represent their whole social group
Slurs and “joking”
Examples of covert or subtle messaging:
Being interrupted frequently, talked over in meetings
Saying an idea, only to have no one respond until a man repeats the idea and gets all the credit
Microaggressions like, “Where are you from, really?” or saying your hair isn’t “professional”
Punishing women if they show too much confidence
There is an excellent article written by Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey in Harvard Business Review called “Stop Telling Women They Have Impostor Syndrome.” The article refers to this last point, saying that telling women they have a “syndrome” makes them worried there is something wrong with them. Not all environments are inclusive, and many continue the patterns of unconscious bias, exacerbating impostor feelings.
The most important thing to know is that belonging is not something other people can determine for you, regardless of feeling like an outsider. Your belonging is not open for debate by others.
You are here; therefore, you belong.