Difficult Conversations Part IV: Building Courage
You know you have a difficult conversation on your docket.
You've worked on your mindset.
You're clear and calm.
You're working on Compassionate Honesty.
What's next?
If having difficult conversations makes you uncomfortable, your next assignment is courage.
Remaining in your courage during the conversation is critical to staying on message.
How do you tap into courage? There are several ways:
Write permission slips. This technique comes from Brene Brown's work. It seems a little silly, but it is a very powerful tool. Like signing a permission slip for your child to go on a field trip, you are going to write yourself a permission slip to do something out of the ordinary.
Take out a sticky note or piece of paper and write, "I give myself permission to ________________."
Here are some of the ways I fill in that blank:
“Say the hard thing, even if it is upsetting for the other person.”
“Be compassionate and present.”
“Not rush, but stay in the process.”
“Not be perfect.”
“End the conversation should it become unproductive.”
Look to your anxieties, and write as many as you need.
Practice being big. If you've seen Amy Cuddy's TED talk or watched Rebecca Welton on Ted Lasso, you know that power poses can help you get in your body, take up space, and remind you of your power. Go to a private place beforehand and get big.
Power Playlist. Music taps into your mind, heart, and soul in a way that ordinary words do not. Create a power playlist and listen to it beforehand. These are songs to remind you of your strength, courage, and power.
Side note: I also have playlists of songs I listen to after I do something big or scary. I have a celebration playlist I go to after big wins. And I have a softer, more nurturing playlist in case I feel like I fell short.
Twenty seconds of courage. Yes, this is from the movie I Bought a Zoo, but it still works. "Twenty seconds of courage" is my mantra when I'm about to do something way out of my comfort zone. Twenty seconds. That's all you need.
Remember your 1-2 key points. If other people easily sway you, it will be vital that you have the 1-2 key points you want to convey written down. What is this conversation about? What do you want them to change?