Who Has Control?
Last week, I discussed the difference between coaching and therapy and what quality mental health care should look like. Today, I want to talk about control in the mental health space.
Namely, who has control during a session?
As a coach, it's my responsibility to create a container of safety for the client. Here are a few of those components of the container:
Holding explicit confidentiality.
Providing a private and quiet setting.
Guiding the first part of the session with questions like, “What do you want to get out of today's session?”
Watching the time.
Guiding the last part of the session with questions like, “What are you walking away with today?”
Suggesting therapy or alternate support if the client needs more help than I can provide.
For the rest of the session, the client is in control.
Where we go and how fast we get there is not up to me.
The client is in the driver's seat. Their hands are on the wheel, and their feet are on the pedals. They can decide what parts of their world they want me to see. They get to make as many U-turns as they want. They can circle the same block again and again. This is part of the process, and I'm a willing passenger.
People come to me because they've been traveling in the dark, crashing into things. Or going too fast, missing all their surroundings. Or maybe they've parked their car in an abandoned lot for years where it's too awful to stay and yet too scary to leave.
They invite me into their vehicles so I can show them where the headlight switch is and how to use the brakes and gas more effectively. I help them become aware of other parts of themselves in the car, shouting from the backseat or taking over the steering wheel.
What I don't do is steer or take over the pedals. I sit with my map in hand, re-routing and sharing options, helping them reach their desired destination through navigation.
I'm a patient passenger who enjoys the trip, no matter how haphazard it may seem to the driver. Because I know it is an honor to be invited into someone else's life. It's a humble experience to be in that vehicle and shine a light.
Many people are scared to enter a relationship with a coach or mental health professional. It can be overwhelming or scary to think about. It almost seems easier to continue on the path you know, even if that means getting in your own way on a regular basis. The mind might point out what you may lose by engaging with a coach, especially time and money.
The question that I have for you is this:
What could be gained?